Of Cost Saving Analysis and Housekeepers
by utsubame
Summary: [ONE SHOT] Duo is depressed and Heero finds out that it is all in the delivery and a 20 paged report with a cost analysis isn't it. So it is up to Trowa, Wu Fei and Quatre to scheme... uh, save the day. 1x2x1


**Disclaimers:** Gundam Wing doesn't belong to me, nor will it ever. The mathematical functions used here are purely fictional and anyone seen to reproduce them will fail additional math… like did.

**Warnings:** Not really anything that graphic… I think. Just plain old 'Tsu-ism' /coughSAPsough/

**Notes:** This was written for darkmus's request on ficondemand for Duo answering an ad in the paper and finding it is Heero.

**Of Cost Saving Analysis and Housekeepers**

Three heads were huddled together in conspiracy. From the outside, all three looked as different as day and night, one blond, one black and another brunette but they were united in their evil scheming. Well, perhaps not _evil_ but the chuckles from three almost fully-grown men that approximated giggles were definitely a cause for caution. It was made their colleagues at Preventor's Headquarters take a careful step away from them. Whatever they have learned in the three years working there, it was never to mess in former Gundam pilot business. It would only lead to more trouble than it was worth.

Quatre Winner, the blond head looked up, looking around surreptitiously before ducking down into the circle of heads again. More whispering ensued.

"What's going on there?" Zech Marquise, or Milliardo Peacecraft, which ever he wanted to be called on that particular day, asked his partner and soon to be wife, Lucrezia Noin.

Lucrezia took one glance at them and pulled her boyfriend away, and to safety. "I don't have a death wish."

This time, Chang Wu Fei, the dark haired one's head popped up, his dark obsidian eyes sweeping the office before bobbing back down again. Finally, the little huddle broke up and they leaned back, a magazine, heavily scribbled, sitting in front of them.

"Is that it?" The final one, the brunette with his hair covering one eye.

Quatre stared at the brightly coloured magazine. "I think so."

Wu Fei looked down then back up at his friends, who both wore a weird kind of gleeful smile. "You think this is accurate?" He peered doubtfully at the cover of the magazine.

_Enforcer's Monthly_, the cover read.

"This quiz is relevant," Trowa nodded.

"'When Should You Court Marshall Your Colleagues For Fraternising With Each Other' is _not_ a relevant quiz when it comes to Duo and Heero!" Wu Fei protested. Yup, he called everyone by their given name now. Two years of peace had sufficiently removed the stick he had up his ass when it came to inter-human relations. Two hands covered his mouth simultaneously while wild eyes searched for signs of the two in question. Wu Fei clawed at their hands, since they had also effectively cut off his oxygen. When he was finally released, he leaned back into his chair, and as far away from his insane friends as possible.

"So," Trowa began, sharing a look with Quatre.

"So," Quatre echoed, returning that look and they both turned to look at Wu Fei meaningfully.

Wu Fei gritted his teeth, warning himself not to bite. _I won't, I won't, I won't_, was his mantra. He fell for it anyway. "So what?" He sighed.

"Who's going to tell Heero Yuy and Duo Maxwell that they are dating?" Quatre chirped brightly.

XXxxXX

They were still shooting glares at each other long after the argument at their office ended. They couldn't find someone who would be the sacrifice… uh, the person who would ask Duo and Heero if they were in a relationship.

Wu Fei was still steaming at the fact that _he_ was chosen, well, bullied, into asking that question. Of course, he wanted to live and see past… tomorrow and wouldn't want to ask such a delicate question to two of the most volatile people he had ever met. Okay, screw delicate, they were liquid explosives on a motorbike.

The 'boys', though Wu Fei balked at being called a boy, spent another weekend together, at one of Quatre's 'smaller' homes, which usually have gardens the size of football fields. Heero was in his corner as usual, tapping away on his blasted laptop. Trowa was on a couch, browsing through another stupid copy of _Enforcer's Monthly._ Wu Fei wondered what other freaking quizzes were his friend taking now. Perhaps, _Would your once Zero-systemed boss zero-system on you again?_

Quatre was on the long couch, surfing his way through a myriad of channels and sipping tea with his free hand, while Duo was resting on the other side, his legs settled in Quatre's lap.

"Oh yeah," Duo said, peeking from behind the magazine he was paging through, which Wu Fei noticed was _not_ _Enforcer's Monthly_. Thank heavens for that. "I'm moving out, Quatre." He ducked behind the magazine again.

"Wh… what?" Quatre gaped.

Wu Fei also felt the hinges of his jaw disengage. After all, Duo had been living with Quatre ever since he joined Preventors. He had a chain of disgusted landlords when Duo decided to do his own 'redecorating'. And since the idiot couldn't cook, he nearly burned down three apartments before some secret landlord society spread the word and barred him from ever renting an apartment in Sanq.

Quatre took his friend in with a sharp warning that no redecorating was allowed on a Do-It-Yourself basis. The horrible glint in Quatre's eyes, stopped Duo cold. Wu Fei wondered if the Enforcer's Monthly had a _Would your once Zero-systemed best friend zero-system on you again for something as miniscule as a wrecked home brought on by your own stupidity and boredom?_ quiz. Wu Fei decided he needed to stop thinking.

Duo looked at his pole-axed friends. "What?"

"How did you get an apartment?" Trowa asked, the magazine lay, forgotten on his lap. He was doing another stupid quiz, Wu Fei noted.

Duo looked over at Heero's back. "I'm moving in with Heero."

The Perfect Soldier nodded his confirmation without staring away from his laptop screen and resumed typing.

Quatre and Trowa shot Wu Fei another look. It was one that said, _Now do you believe that they are dating?_

XXxxXX

Duo was depressed. He was almost always depressed these days. Oh, he wasn't the normally insane type that tried self-injury and so on when he was upset about something. It was worse, a depressed Duo meant an empty refrigerator.

And right now, he was doing his damnest to empty Quatre's.

"Duo, you are paying for my grocery bill!" Quatre blurted, staring at the vast quantities of empty food containers sitting on his kitchen counter. The servants had retreated into the back, almost frightened. Quatre thought they were terrified of Duo bursting from overeating but his friend had still space to expand apparently.

"Cheapo," Duo grumbled around three Oreos stuffed hastily into his mouth. "It's not like you can't afford it," he mumbled, spitting cookie crumbs everywhere.

Quatre cringed and grabbed a dishtowel. His housekeeper would have his, _and_ Duo's head on a platter if she finds this mess. "Yes, food, I can afford, hiring an entire team of kitchen staff because they are too afraid to enter their work area because an insane gorger might explode and spread blood and bits all over the neat kitchen, I absolutely can't."

Duo put down the cookie in his hand. He chugged the rest of his milk down and swiped at the white moustache above his lip.

"Okay," Quatre ordered. "Spill it."

"Spill what?" Duo muttered grumpily. "You just told me no mess in your 'neat kitchen'."

Quatre leaned over the counter and smacked his friend on the head. "What's making you depressed?"

Duo started and looked away, his hand nervously fiddling with a napkin. "Well…"

"Is it Heero?" Quatre hazarded a guess, pouring himself a glass of milk.

Duo flinched, his expression had a 'how did you know when I am trying not to let anyone know about it, oh my GOD does Heero know about it too, since I am so damn transparent' quality to it.

Quatre couldn't suppress a soft laugh in time.

"How did you know?" Duo's eyes were pried wide open with shock.

"Wasn't so hard to guess," Quatre smiled, taking a small sip of the milk. "So, what was it? A lover's spat?"

"Lovers?" Duo echoed, a frown of confusion forming on his brow. "We're not even dating."

It was lucky that milk stains weren't hard to get out and Duo had some extra clothes at Quatre's. He never figured his friend to be a spitter. So half an hour later, with Quatre turning back to the normal pale he was from an alarming purple, he was seated in the blond's room.

"I don't understand," Quatre sat with his head in his hands. He looked to be in pain.

"What don't you understand?" Duo asked, picking at the coverlet spread across the large bed.

"Heero… you… uh…" For a smooth talker at the negotiation table, Quatre was indeed loss for words. Were he and Trowa that far off the mark?

Duo shrugged. "Yeah, I wish there was a Heero and me. I mean I don't even know when I started having feelings for him. You know what they said about living in close quarters right? I think perhaps after I moved in with him."

Quatre made a choking sound, much to Duo's alarm. _After_? _After_! This was too much information at once. Whoa… back track. Duo liked Heero in that way? Which meant, Duo was indeed gay? He resisted the urge to cheer. He had won over a thousand dollars in the 'Let's Bet Which Way Duo Swings' pool at the office. While having rather effeminate features, Duo was nothing of that sort, and frustrated women that fail to catch his attention had started the pool. And Quatre had won. Okay, so he would have to share the winnings with all the men at the office, who had laid their money the same way Quatre had, but still…

Women sure had poor gay radars.

"But you moved in with him," was all Quatre could manage at the moment.

Duo nodded. "Yeah, and you know why? Because…" He took a deep breath and schooled his features into one of emotionless indifference. Quatre suppressed a chuckle at the awesome display of mimicking Heero Yuy. "Duo, we are now partners. It would be more time and cost efficient for us to be living under the same roof. I am sure Quatre would like his privacy. Besides, I could use some help around the house. It is a proposal that I understand would need some time for consideration. I would appreciate if you think about it because, based on the cost and efficiency study I have conducted, based on certain variables which I would explain later, it makes a lot of sense that you move in with me. There would be an almost 50 percent cost saving while 60 percent time saved… and he went on in that vein for almost an hour. I was subjected to a thick analysis of how us living in the same apartment would benefit us both. He drew charts, showed me statistics, forecasts." He groaned dramatically. "I finally said yes just to shut him up."

Quatre frowned at the terms used. It did sound like something Heero would say. And they were partners at Preventors. Perhaps they were that far off base?

But Heero… he was almost… babbling?

Heero Yuy… babbling?

Be afraid, be _very_ afraid.

XXxxXX

Trowa walked over to Heero's workstation, intending to invite his friend to lunch. He picked up his copy of _Enforcer's Monthly_ and threw it into the trash bin. Wu Fei was right about those things. They didn't work and they were crap. Wu Fei and him didn't believe it when Quatre told them that Duo and Heero weren't together. Together meaning in the most biblical sense. He noticed that Heero was getting more and more despondent lately. Oh, there wasn't any drastic outward indication to that, it was just that Heero Yuy was more… expressionless that usual. How he managed that, Trowa didn't know. But he sure would like to find out.

There were more people scurrying away from Heero's office these past few weeks than ever before. He was using those cold blue eyes to full effect. What was wrong with Japanese man? Though indifferent, he had never been cruel, which he was on the verge of being right now.

"Heero," Trowa tapped the plastic In-Tray next to Heero's computer. The computer was standard Preventor's issue, but Trowa was sure it had other naughty bits Commander Une wouldn't want to know about. His beloved laptop was of course, locked up in his apartment and safe from any unsafe work practices. Trowa thought Heero to be a little paranoid.

Heero jumped, his hand going for his gun before realising whom it was that startled him. "Barton, do you have a death wish?" He growled, relaxing and resumed him murder of the keyboard.

Trowa blinked. What had just happened? Had he just managed to surprise the Perfect Soldier? They had always believed that Heero had invisible proximity alarms about a hundred feet from his person. And now, he was startled by Trowa?

"What are you doing?" Trowa asked, trying to peer at the computer. "Heero, it's dead already, there is not need to kill it." He sighed with sympathy at the mutilation of the keyboard taking place.

Heero shot Trowa a cold glare. The unibanged boy felt the room temperature drop at least three degrees. "Nothing you should concern yourself with."

Ookay… landmine. "How about lunch?" Trowa changed the subject.

Heero contemplated the question for a moment before standing abruptly. His chair shot back, it's wheels careening across the floor to hit the partition on the other side. "Yes, this body needs fuel to think. Let's go for lunch." He marched past Trowa toward the cafeteria. Once there, he barked his order at the frightened staff and a tray of food was shoved in his direction.

Trowa nodded apologetically at the harassed staff who muttered over and over again about getting combat pay and higher compensation for a hazardous job. He got his food with minimal fuss and searched for where Heero had plunked himself down. As usual, it was the same out of the way spot that he picked every time. Heero was nothing if not a man of habit. The Japanese was there shoving food into his mouth one spoon at a time.

Trowa sat opposite him and watched his friend surreptitiously. Heero made everything a mission, even eating his meals. Each motion was made with deliberation. Scoop, eat, chew, swallow.

Scoop, eat, chew, swallow.

Scoop, eat, chew, swallow.

Scoop, eat, chew, swallow.

The other boy didn't doubt that Heero had actually done a time and motion study to ensure optimum efficiency and minimise loss of energy when it came to eating. That's why all meals with Heero Yuy were made in silence. While Duo Maxwell would probably talk with his mouth full and gesticulate wildly. How Trowa and the others thought the two were together was mind boggling, not to mention demented.

"Okay, spill it," Trowa finally sighed. He had finally got fed up of Heero stabbing at his food like he still needed to kill it the biting down so hard he was afraid it was going to fight its way out of his mouth and attack him.

Heero jerked back. "What?"

"What's on your mind? And no," Trowa's green eyes… eye, narrowed at the hostile expression forming on Heero's face. "I won't be frightened off by Heero Yuy's deathglare."

There was a staring match for a moment before Heero lost and looked away with a deep sigh. "Duo," he muttered.

Trowa nearly choked on his tofu. Oh yeah, that would have made a wonderful headline for a newspaper. _Former terrorist, killed thousands, choked to death on tofu_. He coughed to clear his passage ways. Of all the thing he expected, which were Heero's laptop dying on him, his gun getting stuck, even his car not running as smoothly, Duo was the least of it.

"What…" Trowa cleared his throat. "What about Duo?"

Heero pursed his lips, at least Trowa _wanted_ to think it was Heero pursing his lips. It was too traumatising to imagine Heero Yuy _pouting_. "I don't know what is wrong with him."

Trowa frowned. "I saw him early this morning. He seemed fine. Is he sick?"

The Japanese man exhaled noisily. "Unless he is sick of dirt, no. He is suddenly obsessed with cleaning house. Every time when we get home, he drops everything and started vacuuming. Then he starts washing the dishes, doing the laundry, dusting, wiping, washing the toilets. Everything! And he does this every night, even the stupid dishes that are already clean. Then he falls into his bed exhausted and goes to sleep."

Trowa was finding it extremely difficult to suppress a laugh. Heero could only be described as helpless frustrated and utterly lost. It reminded him of kittens that lost their mothers. "Perhaps the house needs cleaning? After all, the two of you are rather busy with work, it only makes sense that the house is in need of cleaning."

"I think I need to hire a housekeeper or something. He doesn't even want to snuggle with me!" Heero ran his fingers through his hair, messing his already tangled hair. "Come to think of it, when he moved in with me, he just took the other room. Damn it, what did I do wrong now?"

Okay, so Trowa was going to be the first person to _ever_ choke on tofu. "Wh… what?" He started coughing incessantly. Did Heero just say _snuggle_? Duo… and snuggle?

Heero threw him an irritated look. "What? Can't I want to snuggle with my boyfriend? We haven't even had sex yet! We would if he didn't kept disappearing through that other room!"

"You… and… him…?" Trowa took a deep breath. "Are together?"

"Of course, why would I tolerate an invasion of my personal space if we weren't?" Heero grumped, crossing his arm in front of him.

"For… cost effectiveness and time efficiency?" Trowa suggested, using Heero's words to Duo.

Heero snorted. "Duo knows how I feel."

_Yeah right!_ Trowa nearly guffawed. Okay, he was going to retrieve that magazine from the trash bin later. Now, to help their poor beleaguered friends. Duo was oblivious and Heero was an idiot. Okay, perhaps they were both idiotically oblivious. How could they be this oblivious? Then again, knowing Heero's poor choice of terms in most cases, especially when he felt awkward, Trowa could very well see how Duo could have mistaken his intentions. Looking at Heero's forlorn expression, the whole lost kittens thing came to fore and tugged at Trowa's heart. There would another meeting of the scheming Gundam pack tomorrow.

But how?

His green eyes… eye brightened. Of course.

"Perhaps you should hire a housekeeper, Heero," Trowa advised, biting his bottom lip to keep a full-fledged smile from blooming.

"Really?" Heero had such hopeful eyes. It made Trowa wanted to help him even more. Damn Heero for looking like one of the little lion cubs at the circus. He couldn't resist _them_ either.

Trowa grabbed a paper napkin and pulled out his pen. "Okay, let's draft the advertisement." He just hoped that Heero and Duo didn't kill him before this was over.

XXxxXX

"Are you sure of this?" Wu Fei stared at the piece of paper Trowa held as if it was a live snake. Knowing the consequences of failure, this _was_ a live snake.

"Yes." Trowa nodded confidently. "We now know that they are both completely in love with each other. One thinks they are together, another one needs more grey matter."

Quatre leaned forward, reading the paper upside down. "It doesn't look very impressive."

Trowa looked affronted. "Excuse me, I had to work with, must be not afraid of accidental gunshots, must be able to come in late because killing terrorists is hard work, can cook enough for a football team because Duo eats like a pig sometimes, and try to ignore it if there is a time we make love so loud it hurts your ears." He counted them off his fingers.

The other two stared down at the piece of paper and then back at Trowa, impressed.

"This… this…" Quatre stammered. "I think if I ever run for a political election, you are definitely my speech writer!"

"Okay, now that is settled, what are we going to do with it?" Wu Fei asked, fearing the answer.

Trowa grinned, his green eyes… eye, sparkling with excitement. "We put it in the personals of course."

Something that sounded suspiciously like a groan of pain came in the direction of the Chinese boy. "How is that going to help?" Wu Fei managed.

"You are going to play devil's advocate, aren't you?" Trowa frowned disapprovingly at his friend.

"Not devil's advocate, just merely sane. I am thinking what Duo would do to me. Heero at least fights fair," Wu Fei shuddered dramatically and was rewarded with a contemptuous sniff from the blond gadzillionaire.

"But what is putting it in a personals section going to do?" Quatre asked, fully supporting this… suicide? "Duo isn't just going to choose this one from the millions there."

The grin on Trowa's normally expressionless face was terrifying. It was probably the last thing a wounded creature saw before the masses of hyenas descended on it. "You get to convince him to choose this ad."

"Why me?" Quatre complained, his tone plaintive.

"Because it is your fridge he raids all hours of the day."

XXxxXX

So the plot was hatched and the plan was in place. The conspirators had their responsibilities and the victims, uh, the main players were about to enter the scene.

Victim number one… uh, Duo, came by as usual, angsting and complaining about how he wished Heero would give him the time of day. Just how blind can a person be? Quatre shivered at the thought of them working so close with Duo and his Gundam during the war. That pilot was freaking blind!

Quatre stared admiringly as Duo consumed his third bar of chocolate. Just where the hell did he put all of that? Then the blond remembered, Duo cleaned obsessively each night hoping that an exhausted body wouldn't be able to bring about the normal reaction it would have to a person he wanted to have hot male sex with.

"Duo, why don't you just move on?" Quatre suggested coyly. They had gotten the latest copy of the newspaper and Heero's ad was on it.

Duo's eyes nearly popped out. "Excuse me!"

Quatre shrugged innocently. "Oh come on, you are saying that even though you two have been living together for over a month, he hasn't put any moves on you. So it is quite obvious he _isn't_ gay. So you need to find someone else."

"Excuse me!" Chocolate spewed all over the table and Quatre winced at the complaining his staff would make later. He made a mental note to give them all a raise.

"Is there an echo in here?" Quatre grinned, pulling out the paper nonchalantly. "Look, here is the latest personals, let's see what we have."

"Quatre…" Duo warned.

Of course, Quatre was told to ignore whatever resistance Duo might have to this idea and he forged on. "Let me see what is interesting…" He made a small sound that showed he was browsing and evaluating the thousands of little ads that were there. All the time, his blue-green eyes were riveted on _one_ in particular.

"I. Am. Not. Interested!" Duo insisted.

"Ooh, good one, just listen!" Quatre cleared his throat. "Single male seeks male companionship. Was wounded in the war and seeks soulmate that must understand psyche of an ex-soldier, enjoys late nights, preferable if able to entertain and do not mind loud 'music'." _Very well done, Trowa_, Quatre congratulated silently. He studied Duo's expression carefully and noted with some victory that his friend did look mildly interested.

"I don't think this is a good idea," Duo said, his previous vehemence clearly diminished.

_And score!_

"It's Heero loss. I'll make the call for you." Before Duo could protest, his friend lunged for the phone.

XXxxXX

Wu Fei was still silently bemoaning his fate and decided to look up some funeral homes. He had to get all his matters completed and submit himself to the wrath of an insane and now he knew, completely oblivious Shinigami.

He, Trowa and victim number 2, uh, Heero were sitting in one of the smaller conference rooms discussing a case when Trowa's cell phone went off.

"Excuse me," the tall brunette apologised before picking it up. "Hmm, yes, right, yes, that's okay, yes… hmm… alright… sure, okay. Thanks." He hung up and smiled apologetically at Heero. "I'm sorry, remember that ad I put up for you?"

Wu Fei nearly choked on his own tongue.

Heero looked up from the mission specs and nodded distractedly.

"Well, I put my number on it by mistake instead of yours," Trowa explained all innocence. "Anyways, that was a prospective employee. He says that he will meet you at that restaurant in downtown Sanq, you know the new one? With the huge pots in the front?"

Heero nodded again.

"Okay, tomorrow it is, for an interview that is," Trowa couldn't stop his grin now but neither was Heero paying attention to the evilness of it, which was good for Trowa, bad for Heero and causing a heart attack for Wu Fei. "Seven o'clock, wear something dressy."

Another nod.

Silence ensued as they returned to their work and Wu Fei's heart returned to his chest cavity after trying to sneak past the door.

"And Heero?" Trowa called out.

"Yes?" Heero was getting annoyed.

"Bring a red rose with you."

XXxxXX

This was stupid, Duo thought while he fidgeted with his coat. Well, it wasn't his, he wouldn't be caught in something that made him look actually rather presentable and… polite. It was a loan from Quatre. He didn't want to be here.

And a stupid red rose no less!

He glared at the unoffending flower. If looks could kill…

While he and Heero had nothing in terms of relationship, he couldn't understand why it felt like he was cheating on the Japanese boy. He sighed for the millionth time tonight. He just came to tell the poor sap Quatre had called that he wasn't interested and he was going to leave, to go home to someone who would never in a million years see him as anything more than a partner or a friend. One sided love sucked ass! It made it worse that they were living together and in close contact day in and day out. Sexual frustration was really irritating but he wasn't going to take it out on this person here. He sounded rather interesting, a little Heero-ish but he wasn't Heero.

He couldn't believe why he was still thinking about Heero, holding a stupid damn torch for him. He was probably straight and waiting for Relena to grow out of pink. Heero was allergic to pink, he found out later that it was what gave him rashes. Duo thought him paranoid.

"Duo!" A rather familiar voice called out from behind.

Too familiar. Heero! Duo felt his heart drop. Of all the days he had to meet Heero _here_ and _now_! What if his date walked in now?

"What are you doing here?" Heero asked, his eyes sparkling with joy, even if the rest of his features were perfectly composed. Typical Heero. For some reason, Duo noticed he was rather nervous and toying with a rose stuck in his lapel.

Well, Duo couldn't very just come out and tell him that he was actually going on a date. "What about you?" He knew Heero disliked coming to places where the water cost more than their electric bill monthly.

"I am here to interview a housekeeper I intend to hire for our house. We are too tired coming home from work and I think you deserve a break and…"

"And you came _here_?" Duo interrupted, gesturing wildly at the posh restaurant, with its dim lights and warm setting. Everything about this place oozed romance. Well, it oozed money but it was also a place where people fell in love.

"That's where Trowa asked me to come," Heero frowned at what Duo guessed to be a very pinched expression on his face. Then deep blue eyes fell on the long stemmed rose resting on the table in front of Duo. "Rose… wait, you're the one that I am supposed to interview!" His eyes grew wide and there was a hint of something behind them. Anxiety? Hurt?

Duo also noticed the rose Heero had been toying with for a while now. Rose… then it clicked. "You're my freaking _date_?"

"DATE?" Heero roared, startling basically everyone in the restaurant. In a setting where no one spoke above a whisper, they had already many shushes coming their way. This was no place for an argument. Heero reached out and grabbed Duo by the arm pulling him outside, into the sidewalk, beside the two huge pots.

They both glared at each other for a while, waiting for the other to explain. When none was forthcoming, Heero jumped in. "You are cheating on me? Going on a date with another person?"

In another time and place, Duo would have been thrilled but he had his hackles up with his 'housekeeper' of his. It wasn't enough to have Duo around? Heero needed to add another person to this mix? His jealousy overrode everything, especially reason.

"What's it to you?" Duo shook his head in disbelief. "And what do you mean by cheating?"

Heero's eyes narrowed threateningly. "It's cheating when you're my boyfriend."

Duo stared.

And stared.

And stared.

At this point, his brain, logic and sense pack their bags, caught a taxi and moved to a nicer township. He couldn't believe… just what did Heero just say? Part of him was jumping and doing cartwheels, after his dearest wish had just come true. The other part of him just screamed 'What the holy crap?' He decided to follow the latter part of him. Heero Yuy had a lot of explaining to do.

"Since when?" Duo blurted.

"Since you agreed to be my partner," Heero shot back.

Duo kept shaking his head. "Yeah, of course, you said that and I quote '_we know each other, we work well together, we understand each other's moods well and I trust you with my laptop. We should be partners_'."

"And you said yes!"

"How is that asking me to be your boyfriend?"

Now Heero looked uncertain. "Isn't… isn't that how it is done? When two people know each other, understand each other, trust each other and are attracted to each other, they should take the next step right?"

Duo nodded curtly. "Yes, of course, but I would really appreciate someone telling me I was taking that step! I could have fallen into a ditch, for crying out loud!" He rubbed his temple, feeling a headache of all headaches coming on. He stepped out of bed this morning, not knowing he would be venturing into the Twilight Zone, with Heero Yuy as his guide. It sucked that his guide was just as lost as he was.

"I would catch you," Heero said with utter conviction.

Okay, that was a cheat shot and one that made Duo melt. The other part of his was now doing the hula and inviting everyone to the luau but there was also that mean part that would make Heero figure out what the hell he did wrong. "Okay, whatever for now. But I will get back to that later. So… we are together?"

Heero nodded.

"Can you tell me… for how long?" Duo asked weakly.

"Since you decided to move in with me." The Japanese boy sounded hurt, hell, he looked hurt. It was almost as if he couldn't believe Duo didn't know they were together.

"That wasn't moving in Heero, you gave me a cost saving projection!" Duo was completely exasperated by his… boyfriend? Alright, the luau was getting bigger and pushing the pouty Duo aside. The party was expanding slowly and he felt some of his anger melt away. "And haven't you noticed that we didn't hug or kissed or whatever?"

"It is acceptable behaviour between two soldiers for them to feel uncomfortable fraternising with…" Heero was cut off by Duo's hand covering his mouth.

"Okay, first lesson, teach you the basic interactions between two _normal_ human beings. My mistake." Duo took a deep breath and lowered his hand. "And this whole stupid date thing, and personals ad thing?"

Heero shrugged. "I didn't like you cleaning the house all the time. You had no time for me. So I decided to get a housekeeper to help us out. Trowa was nice of enough to help me write out the ad."

_Trowa huh_? Duo thought. Memo: Kill Trowa. "You placed that ad in the personals and not the recruitment section."

"Once again, Trowa submitted that ad for me. He said it would be more effective to post it in the personals. While not many would go through the recruitment section one by one, many would look through the personals. It was a way to increase our pool of qualified candidates."

Duo blinked. "And you _believed_ him?"

"He sounded logical," Heero said defensively, crossing his arms in front of him.

That did it. Duo started laughing. He wasn't sure what was so funny, or perhaps it was the whole ridiculous situation but very soon he was gasping for breath and holding onto to Heero for support. It suddenly made sense now, Quatre's intervention. This whole _date_ thing.

"They set us up!" Duo exclaimed suddenly, not really noticing just how _close_ Heero had gotten to him in a second.

"Who?" Heero looked confused.

"Dumb, Dumber and Totally Insane!" Duo pointed, catching a small glimpse of movement and sure enough, it was the schemers hiding behind the other pot.

Now Heero reacted. So they set up _his_ Duo on a date, so they didn't tell him that _his_ Duo had misunderstood, it didn't matter that now _his_ Duo knew that he was _his_ Duo. Heero Yuy was going to get his pound of flesh. A low growl started at the base of his throat and started working up to be a rather threatening snarl. He made a lunge for them but was caught by a pair of strong hands.

"Oh no you don't," Duo muttered, swinging his now official 'boyfriend' around and pressing their lips together. He barely noticed three rather frantic members of the Gundam pack running in the opposite direction, presumably for their lives. What he did notice was how sometimes the outwardly cold Heero could have such warm, soft lips. After a long while, he pulled away and stared at the rather awestruck Heero. Duo grinned. Yup, Heero felt the same sort of odd thrill with just a mere touch of their lips.

"How… how was it?" Heero asked uncertainly. Seeing him so unsure of himself was endearing to say the least. At least he wasn't giving Duo a play by play on the correct method to kiss, the pressure involved for optimum enjoyment and at what point should tongue penetration occur. The boy took everything as missions a little too seriously.

"Hmm… taste like chicken," Duo grinned.

Heero frowned, unused to jokes. "Is that good?"

"Yes, idiot," Duo laughed, pulling Heero into his arms. It felt good to have his boyfriend's arms curl strongly around his waist. Oh yes, he really had to control the luau from spilling out and making him yell like an idiot at the thought of them finally being together and they _both_ knew about it.

A sound of soft applause surprised them enough to break apart the embrace. Duo flamed red when he noticed that everyone within the restaurant were staring at them through the glass door, clapping their hands in approval of the scene they had just witnessed. A small peek in Heero's direction told him that his boyfriend was not in the least embarrassed but had a rather proud expression on him.

The ass, Duo thought affectionately, a grin starting to grow again.

"We are tonight's entertainment," he informed Heero. "We should bow."

Heero looked at Duo and nodded. Grabbing the American's hand the two sketched a dramatic bow and turned away from there. They both knew that this was the first and last time they would ever come to this place. They walked for a while in silence.

"Heero?" Duo asked finally.

"Hm?" Heero muttered.

"Does that mean I get to move out of my room?" The grip around his hand tightened, almost in anticipation.

"It depends. Where do you want to move to?" Heero asked, a vision of nonchalance, but with an undercurrent of fear and anxiety shooting through him that Duo could sense. Boy, was he dumb.

"It depends. Where do you want me to move to?" Duo shot back playfully. He felt the tension in Heero ease and the fingers laced around his own, the arm pulling him closer.

"Into my heart," Heero said simply.

Duo was beset by two desires, to melt on the spot and to run and buy a toothbrush. "Never knew you to be such a damn sap," he exclaimed.

Heero shrugged. "I am glad my speaking the truth has such interesting reaction in you. I will continue to do so in the future."

Aaall right, perhaps Heero needed more humanising, but Duo thought it was going to be an interesting and rewarding process. Yes, he was going to enjoy it very, _very_ much. If it wasn't at night, Duo could almost see them walking into the sunset and into the rest of their lives. Sure there would be a lot of arguments, they were both too hot headed for that _not_ to happen, but for once in his life, Duo could see his future clear as a bell, and it didn't involve him gorging in Quatre's kitchen ever again.

"Duo," Heero spoke after a long silence.

"Yes?"

"You do know that the others are still in for some payback."

Duo's soft smile he had been wearing turned into a positively evil grin. "Definitely, _lover_, but revenge is a dish best served cold."


End file.
